I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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