I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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