I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am naked and annoyed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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