so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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