The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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