Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
