I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
