then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize