You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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