Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
