You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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