if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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