so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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