Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
