Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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