i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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