Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
