I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
