I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize