Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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