we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
