I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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