Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize