that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
