i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
