i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Drunk is not a location!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
