It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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