...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
