If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
