So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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