You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
