we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
