I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize