My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
