he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
