Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
