woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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