she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
