I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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