Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
