i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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