fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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