I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
