How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
