you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize