Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
