my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We're too hungover to prance.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
