i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
