i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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