STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
