Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
