You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
