Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
