I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just forgot I was standing up.
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