Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
