yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
