WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize