I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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