god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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