I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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