She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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