we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
