it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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