can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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