My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
