Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize