so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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