well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
