dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
