Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
