We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
