I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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