Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
